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Stupid Doug Tricks

Here's Doug S.'s list of 20 Stupid Doug Tricks. Everyone is going to think I'm the 4th Stooge, but I think if we all think back, we'll probably find some real doozies in our past. After about 20 years of wheeling, you can get quite a repertoire...

  1. 28 spline axles with a locker. 500 bucks in axles later, I figure out 31 splines are a good idea and that everyone's advice was correct.

  2. A 3 inch x 7 inch PS cooler on the F150 box conversion. Smoked about 4 gearboxes and 5 pumps before I found the value of a mondo cooler in front of the radiator.

  3. Mounting a tow hook through the frame with just lock washers and nuts on the inside. Result is a 50 cal sized towhook hole through the back of my bud's Toyota. Good thing it was a Toyota :>) (I was pulling HIM, OK)...

  4. Mounting toolboxes on the inner fenderwells, then putting my tow chains in the boxes. Fenderwells cracked all over.

  5. Trusting your machinist to properly install your oil galley plugs on your new 351. This ate my bearings when one plug fell out.

  6. Not checking for clips on your new truck's tire rack. Lost a 16 hour old 33-12.50 Mud TA and Cragar wheel and the whole damn rack. Never did find it.

  7. Welding on the sheet metal of your truck with the windows up and the doors locked. Jute inside caught fire and by the time I noticed it, the whole inside was white with smoke. Then I had to find the keys, unlock it, and spend an hour trying to stop the smoldering. That stuff burns like a cigarrette. Used the garden hose, finally. Halon didn't cut it. Truck smelled bad for months and I had to replace wiring and the heater duct that goes to the outside.

  8. Changing 6 sets of hubs that wore out before checking if the axle housing was bent. It was.

  9. Thinking that that rumbling sound was a U-joint going bad. It was a wheel coming loose. Fell off the exact moment the truck came to a stop. Thank you, Lord .

  10. Not tying down that toolbox because it is such a pain constantly tying and untying it. When the truck rolled, the damn thing chased around the cab like a rabid pit bull. You had to be there to really appreciate a toolbox chasing you.

  11. Not having a rollbar. I have never made this mistake, but this is one thing I have always done right and it saved my bacon bigtime. Definitely worth mentioning on a list of stupid mistakes.

  12. Hooking up those KC Daylighters on the same fuse block with your fuel injection, then putting a 30 amp breaker ahead of the whole mess. Engine would backfire and then the lights and engine would die. KC's on a separate circuit, please.

  13. Jumping an EB. With my first EB, at age 19, I thought jumping it was a blast. Front axle bent and started leaking. These were wheels five feet in the air- type jumps...

  14. Playing Parnelli Jones Off-Road Racing with my friends in the desert. Trail we had driven a zillion times had been washed out by a rain storm. Hit the other side of the washout, broke the front axle housing between the radius arm and the knuckle, and mashed the bumper. My 6 foot 7 friend bashed his head on the roof. Again, 19 years old. (I'm 40 now, and a little wiser...but as always, that's up for debate...) What's worse, the Subaru Brat won...

  15. Thinking I could disregard Holley's advice to run two fuel pumps with the Projection system. Hell, I was a Turbine Engine Fuel Controls Engineer at one time; I can plumb something up... Vapor locks galore.

  16. Going up to the snow with no chains and getting in too far. Doug, you're a flatlander desert rat. Don't pretend to know how to drive in snow. Digging an EB out with a jack handle and a comealong is no fun. Toboggan ride down the hill was no fun, either.

  17. Swerving to miss an old geezer that pulled out in front of me. Hit them straight on. Besides them deserving it, it might keep you from rolling.

  18. Just having to go 4 wheeling on the way to my folks house on Easter. I just couldn't pass up a quick trip through the river bottom (dry river in AZ). Problem was it was dry on the surface, and caca type mud underneath. Showed up for Easter dinner 3 hours late and covered in mud, dropped off by a taxi, with the EB buried in a shady part of town in the river bottom. For the last 19 years at every Easter family get together, my family reminds me of it. Hey, so I love to 4 wheel... 19 years later, I'm still 4 wheeling an EB... (but never on Easter morning)

  19. Lockers on ice. No, not a new Ice Capades show, but the jacknifing action you get when pulling a trailer full of Christmas trees and then trying to decel on ice in Flagstaff, when you didn't really know you were on ice to begin with. The tires go to idle speed even if you are going 40 when you let off the gas. Lockers are doo-doo on ice, as are Zonies.

  20. Thinking the looseness of your front end was just age. Check the nut on the steering box Pitman arm. This one could have been bad... Doug S. ---and alive to tell about it :>)

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